China, what happened to that thing you were gonna do with tsuburaya?

Some chinese minister is complaining that chinese children are watching ultraman instead of chinese toku. The problem? MAKE MORE CHINESE TOKU! Fuck china, stop complaining and get off your ass.

Here's the god damned article

Fuck you Showa Riders, suck my dick.

Kamen rider decade has done the inevitable, it has literally turned the old school riders into nothing but drones for the new school riders. Now, I can excuse the new gen riders for sucking balls, but they cannot do this to the old school kamen riders. That's like a student of da vinci taking the david and re-sculpting it into a giant penis. It's just wrong and shouldn't be done. man, fuck you Toei, I hope your company goes fucking bankrupt.

This is where the news appeared.

http://www.henshin-attitude.com/?p=4289#comments

Tetsuwan Girl (Atom Girl) or "How I learnt to love first base"

No, it's not about urain, although she is adorable. No, it's a manga about post WWII japan. Before I go on, when I was in my last year of high school, I tried to make a mad max cowboy thing with my classmates. But my teacher, being a dick, or being a wise man (I;m pretty sure he was being a wise man, or a wise dick) nshot us down. He then told us "if you wanna see something after an apocalypse, go look at pictures of Nagasaki and Hiroshima. That's an apocalypse. So, in the end, the project bombed due to technical difficulties and the fact that Ryan Mason is the laziest fucker in the world. All he card about was making planets in photoshop and halo, FUCKING HALO.Oh, and don;t get me started on his friends, god what a bunch of faggots. God, i fucking hated high school.

But I digress, this isn't about those shitty 4 years I spent in that sorry excuse for a school. This is actually about a manga called Atom girl. Now this manga is about a hostess club that becomes a baseball team. This might sound like some kind of feel good movie. You may think that but no, it's not. It's possibly the most manliest and pump-you up shit ever. you know why i like it so much? because it reminds me of the Kenka Kyokushin Karate trilogy. It's set in WWII japan, and it involves a manly sport (baseball in this case, and in manga, baseball is always manly). The other reason I like this manga is there's something that draws me to post WWII japan. I don;t know what it is, but I think there's this intermingling of cultures.

There's this interesting friction in that time and place, where the GI's would be feared by the people. Bussines men making money whatever way they can. Then there's also the injection of american culture into japan. Without the american soldiers ever coming into japan, I think japan would be a different place. I think this time was also a time when the world truly got to see japan as a growing power. They would take american ideas and adapt them to their own, they would nativize american concepts and things.

But enough about that, this manga is good, and if you like a story about people rising up and becoming something greater, then read this manga. The main character is also some hot bad ass chick that doesn;t take shit from people. It's fucking good, and it'll rock your socks. I know it rocked mine.

P.S. DJD will hate this manga cause it has women being awesome. I think he hates that.

Godannar: "the shittiest giant robot show ever"

Godannar “the shittiest robot show on earth”

Everyone knows godannar, if you don’t , then you are a lucky man (woman, robot alien, whatever). It’s the tale of how some thirty yr old dude or something married some 16 yr old chick, and how they end up piloting some kick ass robot together. Now, this is a giant robot show right? Allright, then what was wrong with the sentence? If you said

“thirty yr old dude or something married some 16 yr old chick” then you are correct. If you said “ end up piloting some kick ass robot together” then get the fuck out of this blog before I turbosmash your face in.
Now, the concept is actually pretty awesome, well kinda. Boob-tastic giant robots, awesome right? But it seems that only Go Nagai was the only one who successfully worked with this formula (HEIL NAGAI!) and when Godannar did it, it sucked balls.
Godannar sucks balls, like sweaty dirty fat man balls.

It is crappily animated, badly written and over all, forgets it’s a giant robot show. I mean for god’s sake, it’s called Go-fucking-dannar, which is the name of a giant robot. But now, it has to act like it’s some sort of soap opera about shit like love and all the crappy crap. It forgets that is needs giant robots punching each other and not gratuitous cleavage and ass shots to be an awesome robot show.

It forgets that that it shouldn’t be some crappy soap, nor should it tell us the stories of crappy pilots no one cares about and cheesy romance plots. See, the only thing godannar has going for it is the fact that it’s got awesome music, and our favourite character KEN! (with his sexy sword wielding skills!).

That’s seriously the only good thing about it. Thanks to the awesome-tacular trio of Ichiro Mizuki, Akira Kushida and Mitsuko Horie, the show is on the scale of crap. See, if they didn’t sing the theme song, then the show would be negative on the scale of crap. This show would be so bad, it would owe me money. See the only reason anyone would watch this is if you were a masochist (like me) or you’re some sort of perverted creep. So please, ignore this show and watch mazinkaiser instead (it is much superior in terms of boobage and action).


P.S Djd, I know what show I have to watch next. It's a little feature called Dancouga Nova

“Chocolate” or as I like to call it “The world’s greatest retard fight evar11!!!!!”

There are only two films that make me scream with joy and ecstasy whenever I watch them for the first time. Those are sonny chiba’s street fighter films, and those are Prachya Pinkaew’s films. His latest offering to the world of martial arts fans is a film called “Chocolate” about an autistic girl who has somehow mastered the art of ass kicking from tony jaa and bruce lee. Which I think makes sense. I mean if you wanna teach autistic or mentally handicapped children something, why not let it be ass kicking? But the thing with this film is that it’s more than just ass kicking. It tugs at your heartstrings, and then tears them in half after Zen (main character) strikes some guy in the head with her knee. This movie is like a Lifetime film, if bruce lee had directed it. It’s got everything I want, emotion, and pure ass-kickery. And the actress who plays Zen is some kind of angel sent from heaven to bless us with her beauty and ass kicking. Like a thai Estuko Shiomi, just as bad ass and hot. You see, I have a theory, I think Tony Jaa is the second coming of our lord Chiba, and Yanin “Jeeja” is Etsuko Shiomi in a tiny frame. If I eve come upon a genie lamp and I have three wishes, one of them would be to go on a date with her. The other three is a mechanical arm and a talking motor cycle.
Now, remember that episode of south park where timmy and jimmy fight? Well this film has that but it’s more awesome and less demeaning. Near the end of the film, Zen faces an epileptic breakdancing martial artist who’s about her age and the fight. And the scene is I think the best on in the film. Cause it’s Zen facing someone of her skill, an equal challenges (whose ass she kicks pretty quickly, cause autism somehow gives you awesome powers of picking up on your enemy’s techniques).
In conclusion? Watch the fucking film you pussies, now if you’ll excvuse me, I’m gonna go stare at pictures of Jeeja.

Tokusatsu today, why it makes me sad :(

If someone pointed a gun at my head and asked
“who should you spare the cold embrace of death?”
And in front of me were Ultraman, Kamen Rider 1, Akaranger and Gavan all tied up and their (lower mouth plates?) mouths gagged.
I would tell the man (woman, robot, baltan, space Mafioso, whoever they were)
“Ok, you and I can agree that Kamen rider and sentai deserve to be put down. They just gotta stop, it’s like watching a dead chicken flail and walk around, then call it entertainment”
The mysterious man would go “sure, sure I mean it’s really sad, but you gotta pick”
Then I go “hey man cool your jets I know I gotta pick why you gotta be so pushy?”
“sorry, I just get like this sometimes”
then I’d be like “it’s cool man, uhm, why is gavan there, did you dig up his body from the tokusatsu graveyard or something? That’s like shooting a corpse man, he’s already dead”
Then he’d ask “ultraman?”
“DON’T KILL ULTRAMAN, KILL ME! KILL ME! OH GOD ULTRAMAN PLEASE DON’T LET HIM DIE I’LL SO ANYTHING!”
Then I start sobbing uncontrollably and slowly saying “oh God don’t kill him” in repetition, over my tears.
Now, bad comedy aside, I think tokusatsu has kind of petered out from it’s glory days in the eighties and nineties. When tokusatsu was a genre on it own and I think had reached total mind blowing awesomeness-icity-tastic-ularity. Where I watched robots punch heads that were also robots bu breathed fire, or where ramen noodle monsters garnered our sympathy cause they were deliciously friendly. Or where young men were sold by their fathers on their birthdays so they can become insectoid cyborgs to appease a giant heart. Where groups of young people fought evil robots or team of five people fought evil demonic empires with awesome martial arts Ki power. Now tokusatsu is a former shadow of itself, with only a couple of shows shinging in the shit mines that is modern toku. Today kamen rider and sentai are nothing but sad and ugly reflections of their former selves and no one else is making toku cause all the pretty boys act in J dramas. Now the good news is there is hope, kinda. There’s Ultraman, which will never die cause I mean who gets tired of seeing giant men fight giant lobsters, electric kangaroos or electric robots. I know I don’t and kids will always be awed by the fact that giant men made of light and the hopes and dreams of humanity can be their friends. And the formula’s not hard to fuck up. You got a squadron of dudes who shoot at aliens with planes and laser and then one of them is kind of like a bad ass but isn’t then he dies cause some mnonster killed him (or an ultraman, but it doesn’t matter end results are the same). Ultraman takes pity and voila, ultraman is now working for dudes who shoot lasers at monsters while keeping his identity secret. Simple right? Now matter what variation of ultraman it is, the formula’s the same. But the most awesome of them all I think is Moebius, which makes the little boy inside me cry and shout with joy. Moebius makes me feel like a little kid again and if I was suicidal, I’d have something to live for (I am not, fortunate for me, but unfortunate for my many enemies you know who you are!)
Now, there is another show which is being touted by Mike Dent, who I think should be like crowned king of toku fans cause of his knowledge of this shit, and the fact that I am jealous of his connections, called Tomica Rescue Force. Now I personally cannot watch it, I don’t know why it seems like something my five yr old self would just die for, but I guess it’s just too childish for me. It doesn’t really make me feel like anything, it just looks like a bunch of cool rescue scenes with bits of story in between. That means it’s not a bad show, but it’s just no ultraman. It doesn’t make me cry but man it does look awesome.
In conclusion, I think tokuatsu should kind of refresh itself, start simple, think “what would little kids like now?” not “what would make kida want their parent to buy five hundred versions of the same toy?” Bandai, if you’re reading this, stop make Machine robo rescue, those are some fugly designs yo, oh that and uhh, change kamen rider and sentai or something I don’t know.

Clint Eastwood in; "I'm an old man of sixty but I can still kick your fucking ass"

Ok, here's a confession. I'm gay for clint eastwood. Ever since i saw fistful of dollars I said to myself "god, that man is so fucking badass I'd be gay for him". I think it's that cold, long-mile stare than pierce the depths of a man's soul that does it for me. But I digress. Just watch this, and you'll know why.