Tuesday, December 9, 2008

“Chocolate” or as I like to call it “The world’s greatest retard fight evar11!!!!!”

There are only two films that make me scream with joy and ecstasy whenever I watch them for the first time. Those are sonny chiba’s street fighter films, and those are Prachya Pinkaew’s films. His latest offering to the world of martial arts fans is a film called “Chocolate” about an autistic girl who has somehow mastered the art of ass kicking from tony jaa and bruce lee. Which I think makes sense. I mean if you wanna teach autistic or mentally handicapped children something, why not let it be ass kicking? But the thing with this film is that it’s more than just ass kicking. It tugs at your heartstrings, and then tears them in half after Zen (main character) strikes some guy in the head with her knee. This movie is like a Lifetime film, if bruce lee had directed it. It’s got everything I want, emotion, and pure ass-kickery. And the actress who plays Zen is some kind of angel sent from heaven to bless us with her beauty and ass kicking. Like a thai Estuko Shiomi, just as bad ass and hot. You see, I have a theory, I think Tony Jaa is the second coming of our lord Chiba, and Yanin “Jeeja” is Etsuko Shiomi in a tiny frame. If I eve come upon a genie lamp and I have three wishes, one of them would be to go on a date with her. The other three is a mechanical arm and a talking motor cycle.
Now, remember that episode of south park where timmy and jimmy fight? Well this film has that but it’s more awesome and less demeaning. Near the end of the film, Zen faces an epileptic breakdancing martial artist who’s about her age and the fight. And the scene is I think the best on in the film. Cause it’s Zen facing someone of her skill, an equal challenges (whose ass she kicks pretty quickly, cause autism somehow gives you awesome powers of picking up on your enemy’s techniques).
In conclusion? Watch the fucking film you pussies, now if you’ll excvuse me, I’m gonna go stare at pictures of Jeeja.

1 comment:

Marius said...

Spelling errors.
Needs more paragraphs.